Blessing Tips: How to Build a Child’s Self-Esteem

How to craft words of blessing for children, grand-children, marriage partners, parents, for friends or family members on special occasions:


‘Blessing’ a person simply means to speak well of that person.  It has nothing to do with religion even though some religions use the word ‘blessing.’ 


It changes something when we speak well to a person as well as about them to others (especially within their hearing). 


Blessing is one of the most potent antidotes to the toxin of ‘shame.’*


If a blessing is spoken person to person it helps to hold eye contact with the person.


SMS or email is a great way to bless a person.  A card, or a letter/note in a lunchbox or on a pillow is another way.


A blessing could include words that:

cheer up;

build up;

lift up;

and/or stir up the giftedness/talent we see in a person.


Important principles to follow when blessing someone include the following:

  1. 1.Blessings do not include words of correction, advice, or humour at the expense of the person.

  2. 2.Blessing is not dependent upon performance or good behaviour by the person receiving the blessing.

  3. 3.Blessing does not mean we don’t ever need to challenge poor behaviour in our family members; it just doesn’t happen while giving a blessing.


Here are some examples of how we might begin a blessing statement.  Try building one of these into a conversation at least once this week:


What help you gave ... the other day was brilliant from my perspective.

I just love it about you that you ...

When you do ... your brilliance startles me.

I think you are really clever at ...

I reckon you are headed for great things in the area of ...

One of your best qualities is ...

One day I can see you ...

You stand head and shoulders above your peers the way you ...

If I could honour you for one thing right now it would be that you ...

I think your influence is/is going to be so ...

The importance of what you do is so ...

I admire the way you ...

When you were young I always knew you were going to ...

You are going to be such a great ...

You are going to smash all expectations people had about ...

An amazing quality you showed the other day is ...

You are a wonder to me when ...

You stand out as a  ...

I think you brought hope to ... the other day.

The way you spoke to ... amazed me.

When you ... I melt and am always deeply grateful.

My faith in you as a ... is unshakable.

Few things make me gush with pride like when you ...

It took my breath away when I saw you ...

You showed so much courage when you ...

Few people have your strength to stand against ...

I so admire that you stand for ...

You are REALLY good at ...

Your ... is so good I’d pay good money for it.

May you be know for ...

May you know how great you are as a ...


And who said only family members need positive encouragement.  Take an extra 3-4 minutes to ask for the store manager when you see someone on their staff do an amazing greeting or give excellent service and tell the manager what you just witnessed. Another 50 people might get better service that day because you encouraged what you saw.


The Elder’s Way Retreat in Bali uses this written blessing tool for the men who participate:

A BLESSING LETTER


TO –



During our time together at the MEN IN BALI Retreat, I came to appreciate and value, many things about you and I want to acknowledge and thank you for those qualities that you showed me.


One attribute that I particularly liked about you was………………………………………

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………


FROM –


I can be contacted at home on Ph……………………or Email……………………………….

(Permission given to publish from Wes Carter)


Let’s be creative about finding ways to bless people so we can play a part in creating a different culture.
 








SMSing an encouraging message, or blessing, to a family member can become a relationship builder, especially with our children.  Try it weekly using tips on this page.


 

*  Shame is the transfer of meaning about something I ‘did’ to ‘who I am.’  Shame words/thoughts would say “I am not good enough. There’s something wrong with me ” Shame attacks identity rather than placing the focus on behaviour that needs to change. 


It is much more healthy to think or say “ok that was a dumb choice that I wont make again” rather than “I’m so dumb.”  We can change choices and what we do without having to try to change who we are.


Blessing can make our children more immune to words of shame they hear.


When we hear words like “you are such an idiot,” “you’re a big fat @#$%” “you are just a @#$%^ @#$%”  these words are not about what they did, they are about who they are!  That is why they weigh so heavily and our children start to do it to themselves: “I’m a total failure/loser/@#$%^.”  Blessing words say ONLY good things about who a person is.

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